The Christmas Mystery

I've been reading "The Christmas Mystery" by Jostein Gaarder and it really made my holidays. It's more intricate, more challenging and more interesting than "Sophie's World" (his other book). What turned out to be an innocent Christmas storybook became a beacon of knowledge when i started to consult atlases, almanacs and even history books in the course of my reading. I won't review the book, I encourage everyone to read it. I'll just leave a a few excerpts:
"There are two ways of becoming wise. One way is to travel out into the world and to see as much as possible of God's creation. The other is to put down roots to one spot and to study everything that happens there in as much detail as you can. The trouble is that ot's impossible to do do both at the same time"
"In the opinion of the Kings of the Orient", God spoiled humans a bit. He created far too much at the same time. He created so many strange things to look at that many people don't see God. But that's how he managed to hide himself too. He wouldn't have been able to do that if only four people, three trees, two sheep and eight camels exixt in the whole of creation. If only one fish could be found in the sea, people would probably noticed how perfect it was. And then they might have started asking who had made it."
"A quarter of eternity. That's about 66,289 years.. or about 156,498 years... or more exactly, 439 million 811 thousand 977 years and 4 seconds... or perhaps even a little more. It's not easy to say how long a quarter of an eternity lasts. First, you have to find out how long a whole eternity lasts, then you have to divide it by four, but exactly how long a whole eternity lasts is very diffcult to calculate. No matter which number you start with, eternity will last even longer. So one can say that a quarter of an eternity is as long as a whole eternity. Even a thousandth of an eternity is really just as long as the whole of the rest of eternity. This is extremely difficult to understand, for calculating whole or half of eternities is a matter for heaven alone."
- Caspar, King of Nubia
"He's selling flowers in the middle of the winter because the glory of heaven has strayed down to earth. You see, there's so much glory in heaven that it can easily spill over"
- Joachim
"You needn't own anything at all to feel generosity fizzing in your veins. A little smile is enough or something you've made yourself"
- Nicholas, Bishop of Myra

Now, I really wanted to meet Caspar!
Have a fruitful year!

December 26-29, 2006

How you piece my thoughts is up to you:
Flashback:
December 27, 2001? 2002? : A supposed-to-be-wild birthday party at a parking garage where only 5 of my friends came. Celebrations lasted for a week.
December 27, 2003: Birthday party at the comforts of oakwood premiere makati
December 27, 2004- December 27, 2005: Forgettable birthday parties

DECEMBER 26-29 2006
-days of grace and thanksgiving
Day Minus One
- Greenbelt 3-- Starbucks-- In the Name of the Rose
- Ayala Museum Visit ( the multimedia presentation on 1972-1986 Philippine Conditions is so moving, it's as if I'm there.)
- Lunch at M Cafe
- Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Moveeh (hehe)
- Got my 2007 planner at Starbucks G4
- Do I still have to tell you who I am with? :)

D- Day
6:00 am Woke up
6:32 am Mass at Immaculate Conception Parish
- been wondering why everyone knows its my birthday. all the mass goers greeted me only to find out dad listed my name for the mass.
- pondered on the the life of Saint John the Evangelist my patron saint. The priest explained that St. John is the only apostle who died of old age and not of martyrdom.
- was so thankful for this day. I MADE IT!
7:35 am At home
- greetings started to pour in.
- wondering why Ka Stella (the La Residencia official cook)is at home cooking a lot of dishes in big containers
- dad said i should go with him in Lingap Bata and Bahay Kalinga
2:00 pm Bahay Kalinga/ Lingap Bata Visit
- i don't think i cud handle the sight of abandoned elders and children
- with Tita Flor (Mrs. Huber :) we talked to the lolas
- with a simple merienda of pancit and sandwiches my birthday celebration became a memorable one.
7:00 pm The Grand Celebration
- Tito Edgar setting up the videoke
- messages of greeting kept pouring in
- I never thought my thanksgiving dinner would be this grand. A lot of my relatives came. We savored a meal of lengua estofada, shrimp casserole, kare-kare, the ever famous pansit, spaghetti, fried chicken fare, desserts etc
- I love gifts! (hehe)
-celebration lasted till 4 am

D-Day plus One
The World: Gerald Ford dies at 93
- In the Name of the Rose-- The End
- Started "The Chistmas Mystery" by Jostein Gaarder ( a must read!)
- Supposed to be a doc's appointment at 6 pm, but the "fireworks" traffic jam in Bocaue came in the way.
- in Makati with friends till 12 MN

D-Day plus Two
- So fascinated with CASPAR! (the Christmas Mystery- a must-read!)
-Healing explosion at the Divine Mercy National Shrine in Marilao with Mom, Tita Ising and Jacky.
- Healing priest ---> Fr. Fernando Suarez from Canada (but a Batangueno eh)
- "I don't believe in healing priests, they just drive you out of grace when you're not healed. I believe that God will heal me in his time. I'm doing this for my mom. Real healing is unwavering faith and true love. And it dwells from the heart"
- "Father, I have cardiomyopathy"
-"On second thought, his hands have electricity"
- Nightcap at starbucks with the gang (see new pics uploaded by andrea)
God, Thanks for everything!
End
Have a Blessed New Year!

Remembering Auschwitz

There is a section of the Divine Mercy Church in Marilao that we have tried to explore, the Little Poland Exhibit. It is always closed whenever we visit. A part of that is a replica of an Auschwitch death camp.

I have read books and watched movies about the Holocaust. The Diary of Anne Frank is one of the books that inspired me to explore more. The Pianist and Schindler's List are just two of the movies produced that tackled WWII in Eastern Europe. I also chanced upon a National Geographic special which features an Aryan nursery home (somewhere in Nuremberg,Germany), where Eastern European kids are being raised away from their parents . At work, we opened a "Children of the Holocaust" exhibit where the horrors of a semitic ghettos are highlighted. When the Prime Minister of Poland visited the Philippines, I met Sandra, our counterpart in the Polish Ministry of Foreign Affairs. She mentioned that they celebrated 50 years of Auschwitz were SecGen Kofi Annan, VP Dick Cheney and President Jacques Chirac (France) were among the guests. It was a chilly November that Cheney sat on a seat with a heater. I really don't know what Auschwitz was that time.

Then it suddenly dawned on me. One Saturday, I chanced upon an Oprah Episode featuring Eli Wiesel ( author of Night, a book on the death camp) a survivor of Auschwitz. Oprah visited chilly Auschwitz with Mr. Wiesel (pronounced 'Vizel'). Upon entrance at the camp, the women and children were separated from the males and were directed to gas chambers. The gas chambers will be filled with cyanide gas and their bodies would be burned on a crematorium. Those who lived are healthy males who are either forced to work or be guinea pigs in a medical laboratory. Seven tons of human hair (in sacks, to be woven as textile) mountains of baby clothes, shoes, cyanide cans and suitcases were recovered after the Auschwitz raid of the Allied Forces. The valuables are now encased in an aquarium-like eerie display showcases in the museum that haunted me until now.

I cried over the lives lost in Auschwitz. I know it sounds crazy but..

For those who have perished, we remember

For those who survived, we heard you

For the next generations, don't forget.

POSTCRIPT:

I made the blog without seeing what's inside the death camp replica in Marilao. Two weeks ago I had a chance to tour it (at last) the pictures below would speak for themselves

I came, I saw, I Conquered

I was brought up in a town in Bulacan where November 1 is really something big. All Saint's Day is marked with a lot of food in the table, new clothes, lengthy and fat candles and flowers that are intricately arranged in the tomb of my ancestors. Everyone was there as early as 7 am, have a hearty lunch at home and retire at about 8 pm. We would meet our old friends, school chums and sort of renew ties with old acquaintances. We all seem to grow up so fast during the last 5 years. Only the "oldies" (my mom, aunts and uncles) stay in the cemetery. While I was still sleeping till 12 noon, because of my annual Malate revelry every All Hallows Eve, my cousins are just at home with their kids taking advantage of the holiday.
This year, I planned to do the same (oh, except the Malate Halloween Party, it’s boring anyway). I will just stay at home and not bother to go to our family crypt. The sight of a wake, tombs, catacombs, urn, funeral, wreath and everything dealing with death just freaks me out after my long vacation at the hospital from June till August. My cousins found that as a very clever excuse, but honestly, I do freak out. I’m afraid I’ll just read my name in one of the epitaphs. And just being in that family crypt where I’m supposed to be interred if I died gives the creeps.
So there I was lounging at home busying myself with the Skywalkers, Yoda and Obi Wan Kenobi and figuring out how the Evil Galactic Empire would end. During lunchtime, I was so alone, while they were having a field day at the All Saint’s Day picnic. I told myself I should conquer my own fear. So when my cousin Au went back to the cemetery I joined her and went there. I was so quiet while staring at the candles and my eyes became misty. Finally, I conquered Death, and I could say that I could face him anytime he comes.
P.S. I was wearing a new shirt that time and I reinvented my look (just keeping up with the tradition hehe).

If I believe

patti austin

free song Lyrics

Sometimes we just hear beautiful songs and we take them for granted. We let them pass us by.Last night, someone texted me the lines above. And that made me live again. So for those of you wondering what the status of my lovelife is, analyze the song for yourselves. Maybe I'm mushy but that gesture really made tears roll down my eyes. You know who you are, I love you so much. Sorry if I have to breach our agreement on blogging, I just can't keep it by myself anymore.

The Miracle of Hope

There can be miracles When you believe Though hope is frail It's hard to kill Who knows what miracles You can achieve When you believe Somehow you will, You will when you believe
- from the movie "Prince of Egypt"

I already mentioned that my family and I are attending healing masses at the Divine Mercy Shrine in Marilao, Bulacan (see my blog “REAL”). Tomorrow will be our 11th Saturday. I always see the same people every Saturday that I called them “classmates”. There’s this guy, battling cancer through chemotherapy, with his wife and 3 girls, a guy, about my age, with parents that are both disabled, a woman with a “special” brother and a kid with a weird device attached to his head. There came a time when I wondered if we would still “classmates” when it’s time to embrace the light

My mom often cries while looking at me, feeling helpless, then I pity her and cry too. We got over our helplessness on our 9th Saturday. But on my 10th Saturday I felt the urge to sob. I saw my “classmates” line up during my offertory. I felt thankful that I can do the things I never thought I could do again. While some still cling to their hope of a miracle, some are thankful for the blessings they got. I realize I have nothing to wish for but to hope that my “classmates” get their prayers answered.

I suggest you should believe in miracles. I am the living proof.

God will make a way, if I will be true to him and serve him.
God will hear my prayer, if I will be true to him and serve him
There are wonderful things coming your way, if we walk the path of Jesus.

You can, when you believe.

(related link: http://marian.org/shrine)

Millenium

We've got stars directing our fate (ooh ooh)
And we're praying it's not too late
'Cos we know we're falling from grace (ooh ooh)
Millennium

-"Millenium", Robbie Williams

There I was waking at about 6:35, opened the television just to hear that work was suspended that day. I was about to sleep again when I remembered I have to assist the Danish Ambassador on his visit to the DFA that stormy morning. Suddenly calls and text messages flooded my phone. I decided I have to go to work after all. As soon as I got to the office, I’m on the phone, canceling events. We just cancelled about three events before typhoon “MILENYO” makes a landfall.

I got back from the office to my flat at about 11:00 am. I was asked by my flat mate to accompany him to the movies since there was no work that day and there’s no electricity. Just before we arrived at the Robinson’s Place Ermita, we heard shattering glasses, a lamppost breaking. I see iron flying everywhere and trees uprooted along Roxas Boulevard. The tides of Manila Bay swept the Baywalk area that almost overturned the kiosks. Hundreds were stranded on the streets waiting for their ride home. This is not a typical typhoon after all.

When we reached the mall, we were ready to queue up for the movies when an announcement was made. “ Attention dear shoppers, due to the inclement weather conditions, we are now limiting our store hours, we hope to see you tomorrow and have a safe trip home”. Crap! Now we have to go home just when the eye of the storm hits Manila. We had coffee at Mabini and surprised to see that L.A. Café and Amazonia Bar in Malate is open! (24 hours it says). It is packed with foreigners and bargirls inside, while slivers of glass were scattered outside.

I believe that the safest place to be during a calamity is a mall. It has food, entertainment, air-conditioning but in this case the malls are all closing. Credit cards and atms are out of service. We cannot even call because the phone lines and cell phones are busted. When I arrived at my flat that night I just wished that I’m in Bulacan watching DVD.

I remembered the Y2K scare before the year 2000. I imagined the same thing the day after Milenyo struck. Back to basics, no phones, no electricity, no Internet, no water, no McDonald’s, no transportation, no malls. Just candles and battery operated appliances. It seems like we’ve been hit by a tsunami.

Scalpel- Lash Curler Metaphor

Last weekend, I have lived in seclusion once again to do marathons of the Grey's Anatony Season 1 and 2. I have finished LOST and i'm still lost. I screamed at every episode that my flatmates often knock at my windows wondering what's happening. LOST is so eerie that I don't recommend watching it alone for fear of losing your mind. I lent my dvd copies to my cousins Michelle and Jason and told me they were sleeping at wee hours in the morning. You just can't stop watching until your questions are answered. We are gearing up for season 3 which we plan to watch weekly over the local UHF channel. I could also feel that the Desperate Housewives Season 2 being shown on Studio 23 is on its last two episodes. I heard they will start Season 3 in November at ABC (US).

Just as I thought I am through with hospital drama, here comes Grey's Anatomy which is a story about 5 surgery interns making a mark at Seattle Grace Hospital. I have learned the levels of doctors in an American hospital namely: the chief, the attending, the fellow and the lowly interns. Terms such as scrubs, shrink, stat and even the "call " ("time of death is 1257H") makes the series very interesting to the viewers. I especially like the character of Dr. Miranda Bailey, an African-American fellow who is often referred to as the Nazi because of her strict stewardship of the five interns. Dr. Izzie, the blonde intern reminds me of "Phoebe" and Dr. George O'Malley reminds me of "Joey" of friends. The series' central character Dr. Meredith Grey reminds me of the lovestruck character of Bridget Jones. I pity her during the entire duration of the series. But the character I like most is Dr. Derek Shepherd's wife, who he refered to as Satan and refered to by Dr. Grey as "the woman as pretty as Isabella Rosselini". Given the chance to know her, I'll ask her to marry me!

Grey's Anatomy is a mix of the wit of "Ally Mcbeal", the comedy of "Friends", the secrets of "Desperate Housewives" and the drama of "E.R.". I usually freak out at the sight of blood and surgical procedures but in this series, it became bearable (I even eat my lunch while watching it). The oddities, drama, excitement of hospital scenes are very interesting that you'll never stop watching. The creativity of how Shonda Rimes came up with mixing romance and hospital humor in a series is unimaginable (lash curler-scalpel/ dextrose-vodka metaphor). I just can't get enough of it. Maybe I should call a shrink, I'm going gaga over these series.

Happy Birthday Louie

I already mentioned Louie, Egay’s (my cousin) first-born child, which I already considered my own in the other blog (Grace Amid Adversity). She’s the kid we are talking about that kept me going amid my ordeal. Well, our little angel turned one last Saturday, 16 September 2006.

In the Dora the Explorer theme, guests were treated into an afternoon of puppet shows, games and fun. I bought a Chicco electronic toy turtle as a gift. Guests trickle down by 4 pm and everyone was happy.

I remembered a year ago when her father, Egay, called and sought my help when her mom, Arlene, was rushed to the Manila Doctor’s Hospital that only turned out a false alarm. When the real thing happened I was in the middle of an event at work. So, I just arrived at the hospital after Louie was born. When I saw her in the nursery, she was so meek and beautiful. After two days, I took her picture through my phone and never erased it ever since. I was reading Sophie's World by Jostein Gardner then. Then I learned they are naming her Sophie Louise. I hope she grow as smart as Sophie.

Anak, I hope you read this one day and I hope that you’ll realize that Daddy Ninong is so proud of you. You are the one who encouraged me to rise up from my illness and continue to live again. I hope to dance with you on your 18th birthday and who knows, even give you the European tour, that your mum is wishing for you.

Desperate Housewives, Lost and the Scramble for RC

I already said I was with my doctor last September 4. My doctor called me up at midnight just to tell me that my prothrombin time soared high (14.0! normal is 1.7-2.9). He advised me not to go to work. And that I be careful not to accidentally bump my head or trip at any rate. He told me to go to the hospital the next day and stay within the hospital premises.

So there I was the next day scared as hell as I wait for results of my yet another protime test. When I decided to stay at Tita Leony’s in Cubao than die of boredom at the Heart Center. I found Tita Leony’s daughter-in-law, Kat, addicted to the Korean telenovelas compressed by season in one dvd. She offered the Desperate Housewives Season 1 dvd. When I got home I immediately started it. And I never came out of room that week.

Desperate Housewives lets you have a feel of being omnipotent, a god who knows all secrets and the dirty laundry of the neighbors of Wisteria Lane, Fairview County. I only went out of my room just to eat, that my mom became so worried. (I even peed in an arinola in my room!) It is that addictive and will make you and anti-social freak.
(We had a family gathering Sept 6, and all I did at the party was to eat and go back to my room afterwards). My first encounter with the Desperate Housewives started one Sunday when Orlee asked me to watch the Studio 23 telecast. I vaguely understood my first episode because it was already the Season 2 then. I asked Orlee (through text messages) the circumstances every time a scene came up and totally understood it after Season 1.

The character of Bree Van de Kamp (Marcia Cross) totally amazes me. I freak out at her totally Stepford way of life and how she lives a cheerful lifestyle in spite of problems besetting her family. The accident prone Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher) reminds me of my stupidity sometimes. The drama, murder and mysteries of DH makes you watch for more.

That Thursday (7 Sept) I got hold of Lost Season 1 and 2. I watched it per Orlee’s advice. It looks very boring at the first episode. How will a story of 48 castaways in an island progress into two seasons of 17 episodes each? But I totally freaked out when the castaways found out the French woman on the island. I wonder how the writers of that series ever think of twists and turns of the story. I told Orlee that if I was one of those writers my nose would be bleeding right now.

I went back to my apartment yesterday, 11 September 2006, when the greatest catastrophe happened in my life. I forgot my dvd player’s remote control in Bulacan! I felt so helpless that I even broke a few buttons. I’m in the middle of LOST season 1 and my dvd player cannot operate without the remote! Thank God, my cousin Au is an angel, she brought the remote just now, all the way from Bulacan. And I don’t wanna be disturbed tonight.

Drama Fest on its Second Week

I'm writing this in an internet cafe at about 10:15 pm.

I went undertime from work today because I had a check up. It's my second week at work. I'm beginning to feel lazy shuttling from hospital to hospital for my check up. I've been to San Juan De Dios hospital for the prothrombin time test, got the results at 4 pm and went to Heart Center for a check up. The doctor said I have to repeat the test since he did not trust the findings of the other hospital. I stayed at the hospital till about seven pm, got lost riding jeepneys along Timog Avenue, then I started to curse while riding the MRT.

I still remember what the doc told me about my meds:

Coumadin - it makes the blood thinner and would prevent stroke , I should have the proper dose or else I'll have bruises and bleeding (that is what the prthrombin time is for)

Cordarone - it would prevent sudden death -- creepy

Lanoxin - would regulate the heart beat

Lifezaar- is an ace inhibitor -- whatever that is

Aldizide - a diuretic.

Do you feel that you're reading medical transcriptions everytime you read my blog? I'm sorry guys but this is my outlet. I just feel like I have to tell someone of my misery. Kayo lang ba ang nagsasawa? AKO DIN SAWANG SAWA NA!

Of course after the consultations the drama begins. While riding the MRT, I realized that everytime I go to my doctor, I am reminded that I would eventually die. Maybe not that soon but in the near future. Tears suddenly fall from my eyes and started to tell my cousin Egay through text of what I feel. What I need is a miracle. Everytime I see a new horizon, I fear death. Whenever I lose hope, I become ready to embrace mortality.

Anyways, Orlee and I are supposed to watch the "Devil Wears Prada", but the traffic and the extra time in the hospital didn't permit us. He asked me how was my consultation. I told him that we should shun the topic and talk about happy things. But he'll be informed of the significant findings once it surfaces. We had dinner instead and had coffee at Shangrila just like the old times. Again, let me remind you that it's been two months since I lived alone or had dinner and coffee or movie with Orlee. Too bad he's now based in Cavite.

Will you still remember me after a this blogs? If I stopped doing this, will that mean something happened to me? Only God knows. And I need your prayers for courage, even if it will not entail a miracle.

Back to Work, Back to Reality

I'm back at work, I'm back to reality. Yesterday, I arrived at the office at exactly 9 am not knowing what lies ahead. As soon as my boss saw me, i was given tasks, and by 10:30 am I'm attending a division meeting. Seems like my desk has been tasked to 3 people when i left. I was given new assignments but unlike before it is now centralized in the office. We had lunch at about 12 noon and missed this life that I had before.
By 3:30 pm, I was back at my feet doing some of the paperwork and more procedural papers were tasked on me. It was like this when I left the office last June. Papers seemed to come from everywhere. My boss requested me to accompany him at SM Mall of Asia (imagine how big the mall is and I walked, from buliding to building) because he wants to buy a phone. By 7:30 we're done with the phone. We had dinner and by 8:15 I'm on my home to Bulacan. Whew! What a day!
My dad is supposed to be celebrating his birthday yesterday. I'm glad it was postponed for today. I had like 7 invitations to diplomatic receptions, dinners and cocktails that I found on my table, and I'm not planning to attend them.
This is the life that I deserved. I far cry from my 2 months of being strapped to our rocking chairs watching noontime shows, news and soap opera. I still ask for your prayers for this life to continue until my dreams are fulfilled.

REAL

You'll know your real friends in times of adversity and mishap. I would like to thank everyone who called and sent text messages from all over the world (naks) from Paris, Brussels, Athens, Kuala Lumpur, Tokyo, Bangkok and even as far as Buenos Aires (I'm not kidding). You know who you are guys . Please continue to include me in your prayers. I never expected that kind of moral support that you have extended during my ordeal (haven't read it? See FIRST BLOG LAST HEARTBREAK). A lot of you guys are asking the latest.. when will I go back to work? wILL I resign? What are my activities lately?

Well, my next Heart Center check-up will be on Tuesday, 15 August 2006. I'm not yet goin back to work. The doctor wants to make sure that my meds would work. Target work date is on 28 August 2006. That's after the FSO exams. (ewan ko kung may babalikan pa kong work... teehee) I'm perfectly fine. I sleep well (unlike before na napaka-irregular). Wala na akong mga bantay! (yehey!) and I'm doin this blog through an internet cafe..... totally alone.. hehe And I am not resigning from my job, but I'll be negotiating on a lighter load.

I've been reading a lot... reviewing(kuno) for the exams. I bought that world history book that Lalaine recommended and doing it in a hundred pages a day (whew!). Malapit na kong matapos sa Medieval ages papasok na ng Modern History (whew!).

I've been going to the National Shrine of the Divine Mercy in Sta. Rosa, Marilao, Bulacan for a healing mass every Saturday. My mom a devotee convinced me to join her with our family. After that a sumptous lunch follows. This is what I am missing all my life... to be with my family at least once a week and enjoying their company.

Oh well..I still have to wait what the doctor has to say.. and what the future would bring.

Can't Get Enough of Rent

This morning before going through my usual routine of reading the newspapers and books, I watched some scenes from Rent again (yeah! call me a Rent Addict). It took seven plays of the first scene before I got enough of it... (yeah I am a rent addict) For those who doesn't know the lyrics of Seasons of Love (the first act/scene) here it is:

ALL: Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousandMoments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousandSix hundred minutes.
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes
How do you measure A year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love?
Measure in love
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love

JOANNE:Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand Journeys to plan.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life Of a woman or a man?

COLLINS: In truths that she learned,Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,Or the way that she died.
ALLIt's time now to sing out, Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love! Remember the love! Seasons of love!

JOANNE: Oh you got to got to
Remember the love! remember the love,
You Measure in love know that love is a gift from up above
Seasons of love. Share love, give love spread love
Measure measure you life in love


OOOpppss.. i have wrong lyrics pala... I just checked the real lyrics now (o yeah a Rent addict commits blunders)

Anyway, I got over the first scene and became interested in the "Tango Maureen" scene. It's about a conversation of Mark and Joanne over their apple of their eyes, Maureen. Mark is Maureen's boyfriend who was traded over Joanne, a lesbian lawyer. Parts of their conversation is as follows:

JOANNE: As a matter of fact-

MARK: Honey, I know this act
It's called the "Tango Maureen"
The Tango MaureenI t's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling

JOANNE: You're wrong

MARK: You're heart she is mangling

JOANNE: It's different with me

MARK: And you toss and you turn'
Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

JOANNE:I think I know what you mean

BOTH: The Tango Maureen!

MARK: Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you "Pookie"?

JOANNE: Never

MARK: Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

JOANNEThis is spooky
Did you swoon when She walked through the door?

MARK: Every time - so be cautious

JOANNE: Did she moon over other boys - ?

MARK: More than moon

JOANNE: I'm getting nauseous

MARK: Where'd you learn to tango?

JOANNE: With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's.
And you?

MARK: With Nanetter Himmelfarb The Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center
It's hard to do this backwards

JOANNE: You should try it in heels!
She cheated

MARK:She cheated

JOANNE: Maureen cheated

MARK: Fuckin' cheated

JOANNE: I'm defeated, I should give up right now

MARK: Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might

JOANNE: I'd fall for her still anyhow

BOTH: When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance makes you fall

It's funny when we think how would our exes or a current and an ex would react of what they both think of you. Just like what happened to me yesterday and today... (ooopss, end of story).
Rent talks about life, love, survival and tragedy. It reminds us that everyday should be lived in La Vie Boheme but that should be coupled with our care for others. As the song "Will I" goes:

Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care?Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

And if ever in the game of life, someone put us down let us remember Angel's (the homosexual) words in the song, Today 4 U:

Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me,
I said Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow ...Whoa, ohhhhh for me!!!

Hahahaha.. Enjoy RENT, people.. I'm sure there'll be a third helping to this series

525,600 minutes

525,600 minutes... 525,000 moments of cheer... 525,600 minutes.... how do you measure... measure a year..

That first song from RENT (the musical) just amazes me. After watching the movie, i felt good. Now that i have the dvd i've been playing that scene again and again and again. It reminds us that every minute in our lives is so important.. That we should pause for a while and share love and make every season of the year seasons of love.

I almost lost my minutes. I never thought I'd appreciate simple things in life... like walking or having a good meal.

In daylight... in sunsets... in midnights.. in cups of coffee... we take these things for granted. We just have to pause for a while to appreciate this things.

How do you measure a year? Just by letting precious time go by?

Think about it.

Gotta be back to my review...

Grace Amid Adversity

(Continuation of First Blog, Last Heartbreak)

I almost fell from my seat when i heard through text from a colleague, Mau Fajardo, that I passed the prequal FSO exams . I wonder why God would permit that I pass the exam after 8 years, while I was in the middle of the battle of CARDIOMYOPATHY. My eyes suddenly went misty, I was with Tita Me-Anne.... and I searched for answers.

It's time to meet the evil witch doctors on 18 July 2006. And they restricted my activities which made my condition worst. Dra. Gonzaga is out of the country so Dra Monzon was the one who saw me. She saw that I was yellowish (jaundice) so that made me stay at the UST hospital again. When I was at the admission, I saw a picture of Christ the King, I was crying once again, I intently looked at him and asked him why my prayers are not answered. I prayed that if He's going to take away my life then so be it. I'm tired, everyone's tired and I feel that I'm much of a trouble. I texted Orlee and Egay (not the actual texts) :

Me(to Orlee and Egay): Parang di na pinakikinggan ang dasal ko

Orlee: Baka yung sa kin pakinggan

Egay: Bakit naman? Nsan K ba? Nsa Ospital ka na naman?

Me( to Orlee and Egay): I'm admitted sa UST hospital na naman. Galit na galit ako pero di ko alam kung kanino ako magagalit. Ayoko na.

Orlee: Ingat ka. Tell me kung anong nangyayari ha.

Egay: Bakit ka naman magagalit? Lakasan mo ang loob mo.

Me (to Egay): Putangna.. Pagod na ko.. gusto ko nang sumuko.. gusto ko nang mgpahinga

Egay: Wag..pagsubok lang yan di ibibigay ang FSO Exam kung walang dahilan. Isipin mo ang anak ko. Marami pang mararating si Louie.. kelangan makita mo pa yung potensyal ng bata.

Me : Alagaan mo ng ayos ang anak mo. Mukhang di ko na masususbaybayan pa si Louie. Sorry ha. di ko na matutupad ang mga pangarap ko.

Michelle: Kamusta na? Lakasan mo loob mo nand2 kami para sa yo

Arlene: Ililibot mo pa sa Europa ang anak ko. Wag ganyan ute.. nand2 kami para sa yo...

Me(to arlene): Pasensya na.. di ko na matutupad ang mga pangako sa anak nyo. Pagod na pagod na ko. Gusto ko nang magpahinga.. At least nakapagpaalam ako sa inyo. Salamat sa lahat..

And a barrage of text messages came in my phone.. from cousins.

I stayed for another week in UST.. I requested from the witch doctor that I be released on 23 July... the bitch told me to stay for another day.. I became restless.. and threatened me that she'll have me released, on condition that I sign a waiver that it is against doctor's orders (THAT BITCH, THAT BITCH, THAT BITCH, beware people.) which will not prompt Medicard to pay my medical bills.

I also found out I was awarded Most Outstanding Employee Award for my office last July 21, another blessing.

I went home in the heat of the President's SONA, and vowed that I will never ever see that doctor again. The bitch even blocked our request for records at the hospital.

I felt better at home. The bitches told me and my family that i should be restricted of activities (would you believe even walking) which made my relationship with my family an ordeal everytime I wanted to walk or even do non-strenous activities.

I got hold of a computer and wrote the first blog. This is to tell the world that I survived this whole thing.

In the course of writing the blog, I got hold of my friend Lalaine through yahoo messenger. She currently in Paris, France. I told her the same story that you were reading. She told me to see DR. ARISTADES PANLILIO of the Philippine Heart Center for Asia. I told her I will and she promised that she'll go to Lourdes, France for me. I also asked her to visit the Daughters of Charity Convent, propagator of the green scapular, that helped me in my greatest need. (Would you believe my 2D echo showed I don't have clots anymore in the left ventricle and I owe that to the green scapular? Praise God!) She promised she will. I thanked her and I told her maybe her mission in France is to help someone in need.. Thank you so much Lalaine! from the bottom of my battered heart.

Messages of support came in.. from my former boss in Paris, from colleagues, from relatives calling over the phone... friends coming over the house.. some of my relatives even gave us money for medicines.. even transportation for my check-ups with Dr. Panlilio.

Here's my activities for the past four days:

1 August

Consultation with Dr. Panlilio and his words were: "I can't see why people like you can't live a normal life" "You just have to take it easy" "We'll do some tests" "You can work again, you can even go back to your third floor apartment" "Basta if before you could do it in 10 steps, let's make it 9 this time, If you could pull 5 tons of of weight let's make it 3 tons this time"

2 August

Blood tests, Liver Ultrasound, Chest Xray, Installation of the holter monitor at the Intercon Labs Banawe, QC.

We even went to Glorietta and greenbelt and walked for three hours to test the holter monitor.

3 August

The holter monitor was removed at the Intercon labs.

Today 4 August 2006

I had an 2d echo cardiograph test with dr Panlilio doing it at the East Avenue Medical Center. He said:

1. My heart is so weak

2. I got the same case as the actor Rico Yan

3. He didnt see any blood clots in the left ventricle

4. Resignation from my job will kill me in six months because my heart would lack activities

5. Over exertion would kill me too, so I should ask for a desk job.

6. There would be three possibilities that would kill me : either stroke, heart failure or... i forgot the third one..

6. I should see him this afternoon for instructions. (I'LL UPDATE YOU WHAT'LL HAPPEN NEXT)

I LOVE DOCTOR PANLILIO... THE WITCH DOCTORS WOULD HAVE KILLED ME IF I FOLLOWED THEIR SUGGESTION THAT I RESIGN FROM MY JOB.

IMPORTANT THING IS I FEEL BETTER NOW :)

(to be countinued)

First Blog Last Heartbreak

26 June 2006
I was in high spirits when i went to work. I am working on a new project, the RP-Australia Bilateral Consultations on Counter Terrorism with my officemate Lai. It was a Monday, and I only got preps for it just last Friday, on the sidelines of the play, "Godot, Where is You", which i've seen with Orlee before the weekend. I felt a numbing pain on the chest after i went to the bank at lunchtime and decided to call the day off. I slept half the day at the pad, praying i would be better the next day.I also texted my cardiologist that i would see her the next day.

27 June 2006
It's another busy day at the office. Papers flying everywhere.We were scheduled to have our ocular inspection of the Hyatt Hotel at 3 pm for our bilateral consultations the next day. I decided to go to the doctor after the oculars. The chest pain is still there and i breathing heavily. I texted Orlee that instead of meeting somewhere else, he should go to UST hospital instead. I saw my doctor. She ruled out i should go to the lab for some tests. Orlee stayed with me till i get the results. it turned out to be fine. The doctor advised me to go home and rest. And I may go to work the next day.

28 June 2006
After having my breakfast, Lai and I went straight to the Hyatt Hotel for the D-day. We arranged the seating arrangements and helped in the registration. It was quite stressful for nameplates change every now and then. Before lunchtime, my chest pain intensified. I stayed at the secretariat room. My feet became numb that i couldn't stand anymore. Lunch was served and I barely touched it. I only had my dessert and proceeded to arranging the break-out rooms. After that, i saw stars in my eyes... and everything seems to darken... AND THAT WAS WHEN I FELT.... I'M LOSING EVERYTHING...
The driver ( Mang Juanitez) rushed me to the emergency room of the UST Hospital. They found out my blood pressure dropped to 60/30 and asked me how could i manage to stay awake. A lot of doctors were beside me checking my blood pressure. Medical equipments beeped that it seemed like forever. I called up my brother Joey and became impatient that they are not yet at the hospital. My phone rang wildly, one phone call was answered by the doctor.... It was Orlee's call and all I heard when i was half asleep was... HE IS STILL NOT STABLE.
My right hand was inserted with a heplock and my arm was inside an automatic sphymomanometer that measures blood pressure every ten minutes. After an hour or so... the doctors relaxed... some clapping their hands... my bp is no 90/60 and still getting better. The doctors left me with the chest pain. I was treated with isokeit(?) solution for chest pain. And I never felt so alone in my life.
My brother arrived... with tita miling and my mom. My mom stayed at the lobby of the hospital because she cant bear to stay at the emergency room. The doctors told me i should be confined at the ICU (wow!). I told them I'm still awake! Those who go to ICU are hopeless cases! I was wheeled in to the CVU instead. The Cardio Vascular Unit are for those with heart ailments. Most patients are at their 70's with tubes inserted in every part of the body that you could think of. Orlee came much later in the evening.. and that is the longest day of my life.

29 June - 6 Jul 2006
I do not like my doctors. I just can feel it. It is not DR. Aileen Cynthia Llarena, the PHILAMCARE doctor. The evil doctor sisters DR. Graziella Garayblas-Gonzaga and Dr. E. Gonzaga-Monzon (beware of them, MEDICARD doctors) are the witches that haunt me in my sleep. I don't seem to get better everyday unlike under the care of Dr. Llarena. It seems that they are keeping me in hospital for a long time. There is also a drastic change in medications and procedures done on me at the hospitals. Most meds are done orally which made my IV useless! Good thing there's tv in the CVU i got to watch Pacquiao's fight, CNN, the Lifestyle Network and National Geographic. Another good thing with the witch doctors is that they are honest enough to tell me I could experience sudden death anytime. They told me I got a clot in my left ventricle (which is just a suspicion before) and my heart only has 28% rate of infraction.

ROOM 2006
My CVU room is 2007 just across room 2006. There's a small window at the door with blinds that let's you see what's inside room 2006. In my imagination, I met tatang. Tatang barely moved and looks like he's bedridden for a long time.I told Tatang on the night of June 24 that he should go to sleep and I'm praying for his speedy recovery. Joey, my brother, and Jeffrey, my hospital watcher, heard me say this and told me to stop hallucinating.
On the wee hours of 25 June 2006, just before Pacquiao's fight, I heard Joey and Jeffrey scramble to the door's window and witness how Tatang is being revived. Tatang died that morning. In the small window, I could still remember how his relatives wept and how he is being wrapped for the morgue. I wonder if I'll suffer the same fate.
During Pacquiao's fight RM 2006 was empty. The nurses watched the Pacquiao- Larios fight in that room. At about 7 pm another occupant was wheeled in at RM 2006. He's about my age. But he looks like he's married. I never ever dared to hallucinate talking to that guy just like what i did to Tatang. But at 11 pm he had a mayday. Before the day ended, he suffered the same fate as tatang. RM 2006 was empty again but during my remaining days at the CVU i never dared to look at the door's window nor be interested in the next occupant of RM 2006.

THE EVIL STEP SISTER
I wonder why i was kept at CVU for a long time. There are no procedures done and no meds are given. My MEDICARD limit is depleting at the cost of 2000 pesos a day, the CVU rate. Nurses were also wondering. I asked the evil step sister and she said " you maybe discharged tomorrow, the next day or the day after". Hmmm... something is fishy.

6 July 2006
Finally LIBERATION! My family welcomed me back to the house. I was always emotional. I was crying when i saw my cousins and my godchild, Louie. I thought I may not see her again. I can barely walk. I can barely talk. And everyone's seem to be restraining me. It seems like I'm not myself anymore.

7 July 2006
Almost half of the Office of Protocol and State Visits visited me at the house in Bulacan. When I saw ASSEC Jerril Santos, I can't help but cry. I saw my dreams falling apart. When I saw my colleagues in Bulacan, it suddenly dawned on me that soon I'll be helpless and worst useless. I would like to thank my officemates who were there that day. You know who you are. You lifted my spirits and I know you are praying for me all the time.

I also found out that I passed the qualifying portion of the FSO Exams (wow after eight years!)

(to be continued)